Written by Blessed Adjekpagbon
(A Critical Opinion On Asare Konadu’s ‘A Woman In Her Prime’ And Two Other Novels)
NOTE: This is an
original intellectual work of Blessed Adjekpagbon
-------------------------------------------------------
The celebration of marriage or child birth
by Africans and many folks in other parts of the world with great frenzy,
and the pains many spinsters go through are clearly
depicted in Asare Konadu’s novel titled
“A Woman In Her Prime." It elicited this critical
examination of Africans (illiterates and literates) and some Europeans worship
of marriage and child birth as measures of classifying
someone as a responsible person with great achievements and good
character.
However, responsibility is a core value by living
honorably to protect ones name, family identity and admitting errors or
mistakes when they are caused by our imperfect nature as humans.
Being responsible means when you are accountable for your
behavior, and dependable when you are given things to do for
organizational, societal and family etc, wellbeing. In this wise, how
responsible is an average so-called responsible but corrupt married politician, as marriage is
‘monomaniacally’ and culturally used as yardstick for measuring someone’s
responsibility in the Nigerian, African or global context?
Moreover, in one of the fields of social sciences such as
Mass Communication, there is what is called Individual Differences
Theory, which vividly defines how people act or behave selectively
in the way they do things or their choice of personal interests
in life. Therefore, some people may like to marry early, others
would want to acquire higher education before marriage, while some
may not want to marry or have children because of the
stress involved in marriage and child(ren) rearing. Hence,
there is a saying that: there are different strokes for different folks.
In this wise, if someone like Pokuwaa, the central character of “A
Woman In Her Prime,” decides to marry ‘by-fire
by-force' (by all means she could use to get a man to marry), in
her extreme state of poverty, even if it is a man that cannot feed himself
well, let alone taking good care of her, yet she wants to be
counted as a responsible person because she was able to hook
a never - do - well man in terms of taking proper care of himself, it is
her own cup of tea. But, if someone decides to live a life
devoid of stress of marriage and child birth, that does not make the
person irresponsible as long as the person is not committing any crime
against humanity. The question is, “Does marriage or child bearing
make anybody a responsible person?” It is a matter of
the individual choices people make in life. In the African and
some global cultures, there has been a very negative and unpalatable notion
that when you are not married or if you don’t have a child,
it means you are not yet fulfilled.
So, if someone has been married and does not have
children due to reasons beyond his or her control, does that make the
person a failure or an irresponsible person? The question is, “Who
sets the standard of fulfillment for who?" In this vein, when a
criminally minded person gets married, does that make him or
her responsible person while using embezzled public funds to cater for his
family? You don’t have to be married before you can behave
responsibly. Being married or giving birth to children does not
mean you are responsible too, unless you have been personally responsible
from time as an individual, which you strive to maintain in
your marriage. For if being married is your
greatest achievement in life, so be it to you, but does that land you
on the moon? Or just like in Buchi Emecheta’s sociological satirical novel
titled "Joys of Motherhood" and Amma Darko's novel titled
"Faceless,” that portray the stereotyping of single ladies as
irresponsible or possessed by marine spirits, hence they are either single
forever or barren.
There are various examples of the bad consequences experienced
by some ladies who were pressurized by their parents, family members and
friends to get married as soon as possible to any available man that
came their way, because they were already getting older but still single. At
last, some fell into the hands of some notorious men who made life a living -
hell for them.
A very good reference is that of Pokuwaa's experiences in
"A Woman ln Her Prime" storyline. She got married to two
different men at different times, due to the pressure mounted on her by her
mother, urging her to get married quickly to any man that came her
way. But she later separated from them and returned to her mother, after making
life horribly unbearable for her.
Another reference point to support the fact that being married or
breeding children does not automatically confer a sense of responsibility on
all couples is that of Maa Suru, one of the females among the major
cluster of characters in Amma Darko's novel titled "Faceless". Maa
Suru and Kpakpo's characters as couple (husband and wife living together),
falls short of the responsible qualities expected of them, based on African and
global cultural and societal standards. She accepted Kpakpo, a vagabond man
into the cubicle she has been cordially managing with her kids when their
father (her first lover) abandoned them for her. The coming of Kpakpo
into her peaceful relationship with her children was the beginning of the
disasters that later befell the children. She is a shamelessly selfish woman
who is only preoccupied with her insatiable libido for Kpakpo at the expense of
her children's welfare. This scenario clearly shows that it is not all couples
that are responsible, whether they are legally married or not.
Neither Maa Suru nor her highly irresponsible vagabond lover whom she referred
to as a second husband can be regarded as responsible on the basis of just
breeding children.
Nevertheless, to pinpoint the fact that bearing many children
like rats is not a mark of success in life is showcased in Buchi Emecheta's
novel (Joys of Motherhood). Nnu Ego, the central female character in the
novel's storyline suffered greatly, due to her efforts to earn societal respect
as a married woman. After a seeming endless period of singleness, she
got engaged to a man but was unable to bear a child for him and was later
rejected. The stigma of rejection by her former husband and taunts from folks
in her community as a single and barren lady, forced her into another equally
frustrating marriage. Though she later had multiple children in her
second marriage to prove to her mockers that she is not barren, she
ended up as a sorrowful woman; because, none of her children cared for her
after they became successful adults.
If the production of children like rats, cats and dogs
through family planning or recklessly in or outside wedlock, is the
greatest asset anybody can boast about like an average
African archaic societal mindset, are children part of the acceptable
collaterals by financial institutions such as banks if one wants to apply for a
loan? These and other salient posers make some enlightened minds wonder why
being married is seen as a mark of responsibility even by
many learned people who ought to have known better, that it is an
irrelevant yardstick for measuring or assessing personal success,
sincerity and responsibility, because, most problems such as embezzlement
of public funds, crises in many societies and sorrows in the world
today emanates from some so-called responsible married folks in the
seats of power.
Responsibility is a question of individual discipline
whether you are married or not. Marriage does not make
you a responsible person if you are not already personally
responsible before getting married. If marriage is what makes
someone a responsible person, why are many married people
engaged in various irresponsible things like a large number of
African politicians flirting here and there and emptying their
countries national treasury without thinking of the shame they would bring to
their family and friends? It is commonly assumed by some people that
being married makes people cautious and behaves responsibly. If
true, why are many African leaders especially the orchestrated married politicians
in Nigeria and some foreign countries still showing irresponsible behavior and
don't resign from their political offices when found wanting?
In addition, is there any sociological study with
empirical figures to show that all married folks are more
responsible in character than every single (male or female) person?
There are many irresponsible married people bringing shame to
themselves and their relatives despite being married. This shows that
responsibility is not a quality you earn because
you are a married person, as some people erroneously think
that all single people are irresponsible since they are still single.
This is a very myopic sociocultural reasoning among a lot of folks
over the years in various communities and societies in Nigeria,
Africa and some other parts of the world.
Some folks also say if someone is married, he or she will
keep behaving in a responsible manner because he/she will always remember
that he/she has a family at home and would never like to
do anything that could dent their image. So, they are likely to avoid
engaging in crime, by running away from it. That is also a flat
assumption. If not, where is the mark of responsibility when a
so-called married man or woman goes to the market and steal to
feed his/her cherished African children born like rats, without family
planning, while hoping that God will come down and take care of them? What
are the variable standards of measuring someone as a responsible person because
he is married, when all the looting of especially Nigeria’s
treasury and the bad image brought to the name of the country
and Africa at large, were committed and are still being
committed by the so-called responsible married politicians, killing
the continent economically, socially and politically with the connivance of
their ‘highly worshipped family values’ of their kith and kin? Where is
the marriage - conferred responsibility when some parents have
reportedly been selling their children in Nigeria in recent times for N50,000,
less than the exchange rate or value of one thousand American dollar? As a
matter of fact, no amount of money is worth any human live.
Moreover, where lies the claim of being responsible by
being married, when some married folks have reportedly been
using their partners, parents, friends, religious members, or relatives for
money rituals in various African countries? Marriage makes
you a responsible person indeed.
Some schools of thought also say it is irresponsible folks that
usually have children out of wedlock, yet some of the stigmatized so-called
irresponsible folks work hard to earn money to take good care of their
children, while some self-righteous traditionally or church - wedded married ones
act irresponsibly by neglecting the welfare of their own, and sometimes indulge
in social vices to fend for them. For you to be considered as a responsible
person, you must have personal discipline before and during marriage.
Is it not better not to give birth to a child or children you cannot
feed, than to produce a child or children in the name of being
counted as married couples while you are engaging in crimes
or promiscuity to feed them? Why are divorces commonplace every day?
Is it not partly due to irresponsible behavior by some formerly proud so-called
responsibly married partners?
For instance, the African mentality of putting
pressure on single ladies especially, to marry at all cost,
should stop. Is it not barbaric and stupid to force a lady to marry just
any worthless man that comes her way, in order to categorize her as a
responsible person? Being single does not make anybody irresponsible
or a criminal. Marriage does not make anybody automatically
responsible or reliable since evidences abound that the majority of calamities
that have been happening in the world from the beginning of time, could be
traced to a lot of married men and women antisocial character.
Nonetheless, for a long time, we have also been seeing some riffraff
impregnating some poor or reckless females here and there and calling
themselves husbands and wives in various developing and some developed
countries. But, many of the males are jobless and steals to feed
themselves and their bed-mates (regarded as wives), and children.
Many men call themselves "responsible married men,"
but are champions of getting drunk and disgracing their heavenly
acclaimed marital vows that conferred the title of being responsible
on them. They brag that they are responsible because they are married despite
their antisocial behavior. There are also some married women
who engage in extra marital affairs yet they are tagged as
"responsible ladies" while some responsible single ladies that are
chaste are tagged "irresponsible" based on societal stereotyping. Is
that not apriori stigmatization of single ladies?
If someone was not a responsible person before he/she
got married, but his or her spouse makes her to
become a responsible person, then he/she should be thanking God for
making it possible for him or her to get a good spouse that is a
positive behavioral change maker. Therefore, it is not marriage that
ought to make someone act responsibly. There are uncountable married people
worldwide, who are wife beaters, kidnappers, terrorists, husband / wives
snatchers, etc, yet they are called responsible because they married.
The stigma of looking at single people as suspects
likely to commit crime and run away especially from corporate organizations
because of their marital status is shallow and outdated. Modern
happenings have shown that many married politicians are the ones
causing pains, sorrows and poverty to the citizenry in the society they
operate. They are no longer scared of the bad reputation their actions can
cause to their own families. If marriage is the god of good
behavioral responsibility, why do we still have married but
irresponsible, corrupt government officials and politicians embezzling
Nigeria’s treasury to feed and protect their so-called cherished family
values and image?
All the foregoing questions raised in this paper needs to be
properly investigated by modern social scientists to arrive at some possible
new theories and approaches of classifying someone as a responsible person
whether he/she is married or not. And, is someone responsible because he or she
is married or chose to be responsible whether he/she is married or
not?
From all the questions posed in this paper by me, l hereby
propound four theories of sociological categorization of people in terms
of their marital status, such as; married and single
persons and the tendency of committing crimes in any society they live in.
The first theory is "Responsible Criminality
Theory" or "Responsible Criminal Theory." It
has to do with the crimes committed by some married folks in human
society, whereby they claim to be responsible persons because they are married,
yet they don't act responsibly, by getting involved in some social vices like
embezzlement of public or private funds, aiding and abetting terrorism,
destroying the environment, causing any type of crises in their family or
neighborhood or office etc. Their irresponsible behavior automatically show
that even though they are married, they still display irresponsible
manners, such as embezzling public funds, sponsoring political, economic,
social, religious etc crises or confusion in their family or community or
society they belong or at the international level. Many so-called African and
global leaders and their followers fall into this category of criminal acts' group
because they are married folks.
The second theory is what l refers to as "Singleness
Criminality Theory" or "Singleness Criminal
Theory." This theory is derived from an age long global
assumption by many schools of thought who think or believe that, people who are
still single or not yet married are likely to commit crimes without
thinking twice because they have no spouse or children to think or worry about
their welfare or safety or good image, before committing any type of crime. So,
they are suspected to have the capability or prone to commit any crime and run
away from where they reside than those who are married. Therefore, there
has been a preference for people that are married to occupy some
political offices and employed to work in various public and private
institutions worldwide. However, most of the anti-human or anti-social crimes
that have turned the world into the mess that we are today could be traced to
people that are married but act in ways that no reasonable person
will clap for.
The third one is "Marriage Conferred
Responsibility Status Theory." This theory is concerned with the
claim that a person is responsible because he or she is married and
has children, and should be trusted or respected because of his or her marital status.
Those who belong to this school of thought usually have a ridiculous belief
that all or nearly all married persons are trustworthy and less
likely to commit criminal acts or engage in any misconducts.
The fourth one is "Family Care Criminal Responsibility
Theory," or "Family Care Criminal Theory.” This theory is
related to both married and unmarried people. But it is more oriented
towards the married ones. The theory found its roots in the excuses
usually given by some married folks who say they were tempted to
commit crimes in order to get money or any other item to fend for their family
members that are either poor or sick. In Africa, the act of embezzling public
funds to satisfy the needs or expectations of family members is very common. It
is one of the major causes of corruption among the majority of public office
holders in Nigeria. The horrible culprits are Nigerian politicians who empty
government treasury into their personal accounts for the interest of their
tenth yet to be born generation.
END
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